Football is one of those games that we love,
whether it is watching huge dudes collide on the frozen tundra of Lambeau
Field, or watching skimpy cheerleaders at a sunny game in California. (Actually, the cheerleaders sounds a bit
better.) There are scary players that
look like James Bond villains, little fast guys who look like they are being
chased by the police, and thousands of fans who forgo all dignity to sit in the
stands dressed up as Darth Vader, or wear a strap-on pig nose, or a viking bra. For some reason, only when their team loses
are they “embarrassed”.
No sport is perfect, however. Football is evolving, and there have been
some great innovations that have helped increase the overall quality of the
games like instant replay, coach’s challenges, and more cheerleaders. Unfortunately, we are discussing none of
those. Instead, let’s check out some
football innovations that didn’t quite last—much like a skinny lineman, they
may look impressive for a few moments but ultimately they will be carried off to
the hospital, never to be seen again.
1.
Stickum™
It doesn’t seem fair that most players
would spend countless hours out on the practice field catching thousands of
balls, while others would resort to slathering themselves in glue. However, that is exactly what Raiders
cornerback Lester Hayes did (who in all fairness, is regarded as one of the
greatest cornerbacks of all-time).
Hayes, like many players in the late 1970s, would rub a sticky adhesive
on their hands, arms, and any other place it would help. The MVP of the football teams were
undoubtedly the laundry personnel.
Lester Hayes was commonly referred to as “Lester
the Molester”. Kind of creepy, with the
nickname and the fact that he was covered in goo.
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| Why will no one shake my hand after the game? |
2.
Field Goal Blocking / Hurling A Player
It used to be completely legal to throw
another human being like a sack of cement up in the air in order to block a
field goal. This was known as the “good
old days” when everyone wore skimpy leather helmets and every game was accompanied
by a rag-time piano. Hello, my baby,
hello my darling… hey, I just dug my cleats into another player and they
launched me in the air. I’m boffo!
It is now illegal for a defensive player to
jump or stand on any player, or to be picked up by any teammate or use their
hands on a teammate to gain additional height.
You can run into each other with enough force to crush a hybrid
automobile, but do NOT under any circumstances jump two extra feet in the
air. Safety first.
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| Nice try, rocket man. Illegal. |
3.
Tear-away Jerseys
Who wants to see naked guys running around
on the field? Anyone, anyone? Okay… how about half-naked guys? This was the philosophy behind the NFL
banning the “tear-away” jersey that was made famous by a running back named
Greg Pruitt. Although he was a great player, he also felt that having
rinky-dink fabric would give him a competitive edge, which was completely
allowed at the time.
The tear away jersey met with some success
in the 1970s, as football players would try to tackle the ball carrier but
would wind up with a handful of fabric.
At the end of the game, it was basically “catch the naked guy” and the
NFL had enough of that.
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| What a game! OK, naked guys, get out there and shake hands. |
4. Any Name On Jersey
Remember this guy? You may have seen him if you watched the
XFL. His name is Rod Smart, and he
achieved some notoriety by wearing “He Hate Me” on the back of his Las Vegas
Outlaws jersey. The XFL was trying new
things, and its long and colourful history stretches from opening kickoff in
February 2001, all the way through to the franchise folding in May of
2001. It may sound like only four months—how
about we call it “120 days”. It sounds
longer.
It’s a warning sign when the biggest
headline in your league are words on a jersey.
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| For one season... he watch me. |
5.
Barefoot Kickers
The NFL definitely has something against
people wandering around naked. For god’s
sake, just keep your clothes on please. Although
technically barefoot kicking is allowed, the last guy I could find who did it
barefoot was in 1990—Rich Karlis, kicking for the Detroit Lions. Although if he was kicking in Detroit, I am
wondering if maybe someone just stole his shoes.
The advantage to kicking without a shoe on
is that the kicker apparently can “feel” the ball better, but the downside is
getting your toes crushed by a 400-pound linebacker, or even the 80-pound water
boy on the sidelines.
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| There's always one partially naked guy at the party. |
